Thursday, February 27, 2014

Totally not fake Game of Thrones MYSTERIES REVEALED!


So I had no idea what I was planning to use this space for when I started it. So I guess some weird GoT shit will be a good enough post. I don't actually know anything about the books, and I know very little about the tv show because I honestly can't even follow the episodes I've seen and I'm usually drunk when I watch. Okay heres some shit about everyone's favorite show about incest and dragons (mostly just written out as I remember with some interjections from my friend Meg because this all started in a chat window)

What I know:

This is all 100% true shit as far as I know.... There's a war that started a long time ago kinda... or at least started people being all pissed off at each other. Some targaryan dude who won a joust or something and then gave the "hottest babe of the joust" award to Boramir's sister instead of his own wife... then later captured her and started the whole war ...I guess over who got dibs on this chick

Boramirs brother and maybe his dad? go try knotts landing, or hells landing or whatever the big city is and try to talk some weird old dude into getting the stolen chick back. But instead they just murder them right up.

Then boramir and his buddy rob go murder them back thus are the coolest dudes on the block for a while.

The dragon people, the wolf people, the deer people and ... some other peoples... they all play musical thrones for a while and then the lannisters who are all a bunch of inbred fuckbags end up on top by (I think) sexing their way into all the other families and then waiting for people to die.

One of like 8 guys from the show Skins plays fat robs illigitimate son who nearly gets witch raped (actually he mighta been fully witch raped... I can't remember)

Some bitch named Xerxes or something... is the bitchy mom of a little twerp they make the king before realizing he's a little closet case.

 Meg:  You mean Cersei?
Her story gets good.
 me:  Dammit. She's super annoying
I think the biggest build up is waiting to see her beheaded or something greusome.

A bunch of stuff happens in the show, mostly people just wander around a lot and other people go looking for the wandering people maybe but no one really ends up anywhere. Some people fight and Peter Dinkeledge is a dick to all his asshole relatives so that we like him.

I don't have a good nickname for the dragon lady so I'll just call her dragon lady. Honestly though, blond with brown eye brows though.... that's all I can ever really think about when I see her.
I'm fucking fire-proof.

Another guy with a blog reviewing the GoT beer called her "cool lisa" cuz thats what it sounds like everyone is calling her. That works.

Meg:  she is the worst
I just call her Dani.
My friend Bryan calls her the Hot naked blonde
me:  Noted.