Wednesday, April 23, 2014

The Newest Post Before the NEXT ONE that will be newer! (Game of Thrones Shit)


I slammed an entire SODA SHAQ vanilla cream soda today, what the HELL have you done? It tasted like burps and I wanted to say it sucked, but then my friend reminded me it was only 99 cents and thats not really a bad deal then cuz it's big as fuck. "I am the number one Ninja and I have killed all the Shoguns in front of me. " -Shack O'neal
"That's a real quote from me, Shaq Oniel". - Shaq Oneal
So this post was intended as a breathe of fresh air and a reminder that this isn't actually a Game of Thrones blog.To all my friends who think I write Game of the Thrones fan fiction or whatever... that's bullshit, don't listen to them. They're all assholes. I just happened to post a bunch of game of thrones shit here because that's kinda whats up at the moment. That's what the PEOPLE are in to right now. If people get back into Devil Sticks or something... then next weeks post could be really, like... devil stick heavy.

I mean... shit. It COULD happen. You don't know you little fucking know it all.
Alright, probably not but you get my drift. Game of Thrones recaps can get stale as a week old turd, and I've been doing em for like 4 weeks so you do the math. 

So what the hell am I reading?

Good question! Don't worry.. for now, we're still riding this THRONE TRAIN to INCEST MURDER TOWN, so don't get yer tits in a twist. I was gonna do a HOUSE HISTORY post that would provide some much needed insight into some of things that led to the events currently occurring in the Throne show. There are two problems with that:

1. You assholes in the comments named a bunch of fake houses, and possibly a few that are real that I've never heard of?

2. I don't actually know anything about the houses of Game of Thrones and it's really hard to just make this shit up from scratch. (Just ask George Martin apparently)

Eat shit... kill em all.
So instead of doing all that shit... next up I'm going to start with a part 1 of a who-knows-how-many part series!


So one thing struck me last week while I was watching the show while having some beers and maybe playing some pokemon or some shit. (Yea I said pokemon, yea I'm THIRTY ONE, fuckin, what about it?) 

So there was this scene were Cool Lisa the last dragon tamer of the east was about to destroy liberate some new city and for some dumb reason doesn't even bother just having her dragons just drop flaming shits on everyone. She instead apparently is entered into "Choose your best dude at murdering" competition with some unknown dude on a horse that we are led to believe is kinda tough. He issues the challenge using the customary "Piss in your foes general direction" initiating move. 

Been here 3 minutes and already we got dicks out. Should we just murder the next city... or...
So cool lisa is kinda like not sure how to accept the challenge without doing some kind of a non-traditional "squat-style" response. So she kinda looks around like... anyone got a dick I can borrow for a minute?

All her top dudes start begging for a shot to kill this asshole and she gets to apparently choose who gets the honor. 

First the kid who looks like he's 16 leading the army of dickless slaves

(Image approximate)
He's all like, "Lemme kill this fucker", and she's all like. "Nah, you can't fight this guy, cuz if you lose I won't have a semi-official commander of an army I'll only need if my assuredly indestructible dragons, of which I have several and in fact the same number it took to take over the entire continent a thousand years ago, need backup for some reason.

So... he's out.

Sir Barriston Sell Me is up next

He's an old ass dude, but he can surely whip him some asses. He says something like "Me. No question. As far as one-on-one, I’m the best to ever do it."  ...and then he goes off and tries to dunk before realizing he's like... well over 100 years old. And so Lisa be all like "LOL! dude yer old as fuck, are you kidding me?!"

So... he's out.

Next is... (Honestly I don't even remember part of this dudes name. But he's like kinda like a less regal Boramir type) The dude who's completely in love with Cool Lisa:

Yep, this poor bastard.
And he's all like... "I been with you for like a long time, and no pressure or anything, but ya know... when I introduce you I don't know if I should say like ya know... my queen or my lady...or like MY lady... or like... ya know we don't have to get all official, but I think it's kinda clear where I'm at ya know... and if you want to be on that same train, then like... ya know I got two tickets to paradise! Haha... get it, eddie money joke. NVM! lol. But for real though, I'll kill this guy and then we can sort all that shit later. Cool babe?

So... he's out.

Then there's this fucking guy who everyone seems cool with just appearing out of fucking nowhere.

He be all like "I'm a goddamn worthless nobody from some hick-ass town with shitty asshole parents. Nobody will miss me for a second. Cool Lisa agrees (and so do I)

So... he's in. We all get set for random guys immediate death.... And then all this happens....

To which cool lisa herself can't even manage to play it cool

And then random dude seals the deal with one of these

Lisa asks for a fresh pair of undies and now I think HBO will probably ask him to come on board as a full cast member and I'll be forced at some point to find out his name.

So anyway, all this shit happened and I'm like... That's only like 4 dudes from one damn army. So who is THE REAL DEAL baddest asses of the game of the thrones, anyhow? So next up I'll be telling you all about who that is in the next coupla posts. Whats it gonna be called? I already fucking told you... its


So look forward to that. 


  1. Those houses were real. All of them are family names.

    1. Dammit anonymous! House Tangerines? Really?

      I know for a fact house McFly is VERY unlikely to be a game of thrones thing. And if house corleone is in these books then george martin is legit gonna find a horse head in his bed.

  2. Very much enjoying these posts!