EPISODE 2 PREQUEL/DRUNK GoT HISTORY
Alright.... part 2 time. Now we're picking up steam.
Already touched on the side smiles, the dornish peeps, and most of the hells landings goings on. What else we got?
THE BLOODTHIRSTY MURDER AND THE BIG DUDE WITH HERThe DOG/fire face dude! He seems to be getting more baddass by the second. His big bro THEMOUNTAIN is off doing HELLA rapes and MAD pillaging... but he's getting all bro-ey with the little sociopath.
I'm guessing these two go around rubbing their murder boners on everything. They probably will get them some eventual payback for the Red Wedding debacle...
|For those who missed it, it went something exactly like this
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT EPISODE OR PROBABLY REAL SOON AT LEAST!MEG: Edmure Tully? Do you really want to know now or wait for the show?
ME: Oh, if that will be explained coming up I'll wait. I thought I may have missed that.
MEG: No, it will be coming. :)
ME: Hmmm.... Honestly. I'd be like.... "Sheeeeeeiiiiiiiittt...... I mean like.... this is really uncool. But uh... if this chick wasn't like super SUPER hot I'd like... seriously just bail"
ME: "Uncool as hell though..." then go right back to more sex with new chick. Probably whistling and skipping back into bed.
MEG: Wait...are you saying that even after finding out your family and allies were brutally married, you would just go back to having sex because she was SUPER hot?
ME: no no no... I wouldn't do that just because she was super hot
ME: ...I'd do it because she was super SUPER hot
MEG: Excuse me...super SUPER hot.
MEG: you would also be skipping back to bed so you wouldn't be murdered since you are now basically a prisoner in your new in-laws home.
ME: For sure a prisoner.
ME: Tie me up and throw away the key
MEG: tie or chain?
ME: Well tie is good enough, that's still some sketchy shit. You don't wanna end up in a Theon the Dickless situation
MEANWHILE IN TORTURE PORNSpeaking of Theon! What's his bitch ass up to? The bad news: You got tortured to hell for what seems like weeks, maybe more.... and your dick cut off. Good news: Uhm.... good news, good news.... you can't get your dick cut off twice? Right? ;D
Well actually there is some good news... because lady ironprice is on her way and she's got enough dick for the both of ya. More good news: They didn't cut off your fingers, so you two can pick right up where you left off on that horseback ride!
MEANWHILE IN DRAGON ISLAND WITH WITCH BITCHDavey Seaworth the "onion knight" is sitting locked up as fuck. Which is stupid as shit because all he wants to do is be Stan bartathions BFF and he keeps getting shit on. When Stans seamen were all starving to death Davey swoops in for the save and hooks everyone up with like infinite onions and they all live (I guess they already had like chicken and steak but nothing to cook up a nice fajita?) And what does he get? Knighted! But then Stannis decides that for completely saving his armies collective asses, he doesn't get out of the fact that he used to smuggle shit. What does he do? Cuts off all the finger tips of his right hand. And what does Davey do? PUTS THEM IN A FUCKING POUCH AND WEARS IT AROUND HIS NECK! I'm pretty sure I'm not even making this up. Dude is so moons over my hammy for Stan that he's happy as fuck to be mutilated.
And then when the evil red bitch gets all uppity, Davey calls bullshit and Stan throws his ass right back in prison. Oh shit... wait I think Stans daughter bailed him out last season. Whatever, maybe he's on the lam... but guaranteed his only priority to get right back to eating Stans shit. With any luck he gets to pour a bucket of water on that evil red bitch.
(Related sidebar... Evil red bitch looks like kind of a hag on the show but in real life she's actually bangin hot TOO!
|(Shown here demonstrating the size of her head with a banana for scale)
COOL LISA THE MEAN DRAGON QUEEN, MAKE THE HOMIES SAY HO AND THE GIRLIES WANT TO SCREAM!Too much? Well the second or third to last targarean dragon tamer is still on the move. The most notable thing about her short screen time? That she's talking to some complete stranger all the time now..
|Who the fuck is this guy?
Next recap I'll probably have more info about hodo's big dumb ass and all those little shits with psychic powers that I currently give zero shits about. Other than the wyld style chick they are with... I wouldn't have guessed this about her, but in real life... HOT CHICK.
|I know right? Who saw that coming?
UNTIL NEXT TIMEAlright that's fuckin it until who knows... but at least until the next episode. Hope HBO go doesn't take a total runny shit like last week
|For real though, who uses HBO go? No I mean tell me so I can use your account. :)
Alright... see ya next time. Bye bye